I posted this on the GP board about a week ago, but I thought I would like to elaborate. The other day I was writing a letter to DH to send him since he is overseas. While writing that letter I told him I no longer wanted a baby, I wanted to be a mother.
When I was a little girl I was asked what I wanted to be when I grow up and I said I wanted to be a mom. I told them I wanted a husband who worked in a suit, I would have a little boy who played soccer, a girl who was a ballerina, and I would do volunteer work. Strangely enough that is still my dream. I can still picture it in my head.
I think that wanting a baby is different than wanting to be a mother. To me wanting a baby is like saying I want a dog or some kind of accessory. They are nice for a while, but the newness wears off. I think when you say you want to be a mother that shows a maturity about you and your life. I think of those girls on 16 and pregnant, they are excited about their new "toy" their little baby. The sad reality of it is when they show them weeks later and they are exhausted from being up all night and they are miserable. They leave their child on the couch while they are fighting with their SO. They don't have the knowledge about raising their child or how to do it properly. I think when you are ready to be a mother you make efforts to learn how to do it properly, you learn how to care for your child because you want the best for them.
I told DH that I was ready to be a mother and I truly am ready. I care for my dogs like they are my children. My sister is needing a lot of help lately with her finances, so I've been taking care of her and she told me over the weekend that I'm going to be a great mother. That warmed my heart.
I'm off my soapbox now. I think that has been on my mind for a while now.
Monday, July 6, 2009
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Cycle #2 and the Mini Story
I'm on the Cycle #2. This is a good thing and not so good thing. The good thing is it was a 27 day cycle, the bad thing is I don't think I O'd. To keep my head on straight, this is only my first cycle off BCP, so odds are I will eventually O within the next few cycles.
My sister got off her BCP, had one average length cycle, then had a 180 day cycle. I really hope my cycle stays average length.
On another note, DH has been gone for one month! Only 3 to go! I am so excited. This month has gone by pretty fast and I have tons going on in July, to it should fly by! He is having a hard time right now, so that makes me really sad to hear. On a lighter note, he wrote me a letter and told me I didn't have to tip toe around the baby topic anymore (like I was). He was still somewhat sandoffish about TTC when he comes home, but I think he is totally on board now. We knew that I would be off BCP when he comes home and that it was totally possible to become pregnant soon afterwards, but as far as making an effort for perfect timing I'm not sure that we were going to go that far right away.
I helped a friend of mine tonight who is a full time nanny for a 2 month old and part time for a 6 month old. I helped tonight with the 6 month old and he was adorable! It made my heart ache playing with him and feeding him. It made me want to be a mother 10x's more than what I wanted it before.
My sister got off her BCP, had one average length cycle, then had a 180 day cycle. I really hope my cycle stays average length.
On another note, DH has been gone for one month! Only 3 to go! I am so excited. This month has gone by pretty fast and I have tons going on in July, to it should fly by! He is having a hard time right now, so that makes me really sad to hear. On a lighter note, he wrote me a letter and told me I didn't have to tip toe around the baby topic anymore (like I was). He was still somewhat sandoffish about TTC when he comes home, but I think he is totally on board now. We knew that I would be off BCP when he comes home and that it was totally possible to become pregnant soon afterwards, but as far as making an effort for perfect timing I'm not sure that we were going to go that far right away.
I helped a friend of mine tonight who is a full time nanny for a 2 month old and part time for a 6 month old. I helped tonight with the 6 month old and he was adorable! It made my heart ache playing with him and feeding him. It made me want to be a mother 10x's more than what I wanted it before.
Friday, June 19, 2009
All About Me
Taking a cue from my BFPB (Awoods), I am going to do an "All About Me" post to tell you more about myself.
My name is Emily. DH and I have been married for 3 years and one month. We are both in our early-mid 20's. DH is a 1st Lt. in the US Air Force. I am finishing my Elementary Education degree at the University of West Florida. By the time I graduate in May I will have been working on my undergraduate degree for 6 years. When you marry a military man you have to be prepared to move at the drop of a hat, thus me transferring schools four times. I am from Louisiana and DH is from Texas, we currently live in Florida. We have 2 furbabies, Darcy and Daphne.
DH and I met while working at a Baptist summer camp in 2003, I was about to start my senior year of high school and DH was starting his first year of college. We started dating in Nov. of 2004, engaged in Aug. of 2005, and married in May of 2006. We started our relationship on the prospects of getting married even though we were both really young. When we got married I was 19 and DH was 20, but everyone says we are old souls, which I have to agree. Many people would say we got married too young, but after many months of prayer and talking to one another for hours upon hours about marriage, we felt that this was the direction God wanted us to go.
DH and I had agreed to wait 4 years after we got married to start trying for a family, but after being married for 3 years and all of my friends having children the baby fever hit hard. It took me a while to figure out why I was wanting to start TTC sooner than we had planned, so after thinking about it one day I realized what it was. DH is gone for months at a time with his deployments and when he is gone I miss him so much and I never know for sure whether or not he will make it home. He has a pretty safe job, but nothing (including life) is never guaranteed. When we have a baby a part of DH will always be with me. I think it is amazing that a child is half of each of you. On the other hand, DH doesn't want a child for the same reason, he is away for months at a time, where I think having a child while he is gone would give me company, he sees it as missing out on half of their life. I know that breaks his heart as it does mine to think that DH may be deployed when our child takes his first steps or says his first words. He wants to be home to raise our child and I want him home too. His dad worked alot while he was growing up, so he wants to be home as much as possible. I think I was born to be a mother, I love children and I think a child is the most precious thing in the world and to raise a child, to love a child, and to make them a person who could change the world gives me such joy.
So this is where we are now, DH is gone on our third deployment, and when he gets home he will decide what he wants to do about finishing his Masters degree, and whether or not he wants to stay in the Air Force. We will discuss when we actually want to start TTC. I am already off BCP, cycle #2 of charting, and DH says he is open to talk about children and will be fine if I get pregnant right when he gets home. His only stipulation was I have my degree when I give birth. If I get KU in Oct after he comes home then approximate due date is in July, so by default, problem solved.
This is our story, and it is very incomplete, but current status is waiting. Waiting takes up so much of our time, so I am trying to enjoy the Season God has me in right now. "For everything there is a season" and my season is waiting.
My name is Emily. DH and I have been married for 3 years and one month. We are both in our early-mid 20's. DH is a 1st Lt. in the US Air Force. I am finishing my Elementary Education degree at the University of West Florida. By the time I graduate in May I will have been working on my undergraduate degree for 6 years. When you marry a military man you have to be prepared to move at the drop of a hat, thus me transferring schools four times. I am from Louisiana and DH is from Texas, we currently live in Florida. We have 2 furbabies, Darcy and Daphne.
DH and I met while working at a Baptist summer camp in 2003, I was about to start my senior year of high school and DH was starting his first year of college. We started dating in Nov. of 2004, engaged in Aug. of 2005, and married in May of 2006. We started our relationship on the prospects of getting married even though we were both really young. When we got married I was 19 and DH was 20, but everyone says we are old souls, which I have to agree. Many people would say we got married too young, but after many months of prayer and talking to one another for hours upon hours about marriage, we felt that this was the direction God wanted us to go.
DH and I had agreed to wait 4 years after we got married to start trying for a family, but after being married for 3 years and all of my friends having children the baby fever hit hard. It took me a while to figure out why I was wanting to start TTC sooner than we had planned, so after thinking about it one day I realized what it was. DH is gone for months at a time with his deployments and when he is gone I miss him so much and I never know for sure whether or not he will make it home. He has a pretty safe job, but nothing (including life) is never guaranteed. When we have a baby a part of DH will always be with me. I think it is amazing that a child is half of each of you. On the other hand, DH doesn't want a child for the same reason, he is away for months at a time, where I think having a child while he is gone would give me company, he sees it as missing out on half of their life. I know that breaks his heart as it does mine to think that DH may be deployed when our child takes his first steps or says his first words. He wants to be home to raise our child and I want him home too. His dad worked alot while he was growing up, so he wants to be home as much as possible. I think I was born to be a mother, I love children and I think a child is the most precious thing in the world and to raise a child, to love a child, and to make them a person who could change the world gives me such joy.
So this is where we are now, DH is gone on our third deployment, and when he gets home he will decide what he wants to do about finishing his Masters degree, and whether or not he wants to stay in the Air Force. We will discuss when we actually want to start TTC. I am already off BCP, cycle #2 of charting, and DH says he is open to talk about children and will be fine if I get pregnant right when he gets home. His only stipulation was I have my degree when I give birth. If I get KU in Oct after he comes home then approximate due date is in July, so by default, problem solved.
This is our story, and it is very incomplete, but current status is waiting. Waiting takes up so much of our time, so I am trying to enjoy the Season God has me in right now. "For everything there is a season" and my season is waiting.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
O wait, just kidding...
So I put in my temp today and FF came me crosshairs, but...it didn't make any since because there was no temperature shift at all. So a GPer told me to change it from the Advanced format to the FA format and sure enough, it took away the CH. So, I guess maybe my body was gearing up to O and changed it's mind. Which, I've been really stressed out lately, so it seems to fit. I'll just see what happens. I'm on CD 21, so if I get to CD 50, I'm making an appointment.
Monday, June 15, 2009
I just don't understand?!
On Saturday I had EWCM and I was so excited I thought, "Wow, I am fertile! This is great considering I have just come off of BCP." But no dice! I only had one day of EWCM and then went back to sticky, and now I'm afraid that it is becoming dry.
I have also been checking internally and I am thinking I might be getting a Yeast Infection and/or UTI. I certainly hope not, maybe I'll give it a rest for the next day or two and try to check externally and see how that works out.
I am so anxious to O, and I'm not even TTC yet, I can't imagnine how I will act when I actually do. My temps are looking steady and I don't see anything that will indicate O anytime soon by looking at my temp pattern. I hope that things will straighten out in the next week or so.
Well, it felt good to vent...Until later!
I have also been checking internally and I am thinking I might be getting a Yeast Infection and/or UTI. I certainly hope not, maybe I'll give it a rest for the next day or two and try to check externally and see how that works out.
I am so anxious to O, and I'm not even TTC yet, I can't imagnine how I will act when I actually do. My temps are looking steady and I don't see anything that will indicate O anytime soon by looking at my temp pattern. I hope that things will straighten out in the next week or so.
Well, it felt good to vent...Until later!
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Baby Fever
Baby fever just hit me really hard. I love facebook, but sometimes, it is really difficult to look at all of my friends with their pictures of their babies and not get sad. That is the story of my life. Almost everyone I know has a child, which is wonderful, I am so happy for them, but I get sad every time I look at their pictures and see the conversations with the other moms about going to mommy groups and playdates. I think part of it is because I am lonely. DH has only been gone a week and we have about 18 more to go before he's home and we can start TTC. If my friends don't have a baby then they are pregnant and showing their belly pics or putting baby stuff on their status. I just really wanted to vent. That will be me one day, but not anytime soon (at least not for another 4 months).
CD 8
So charting is going well. I was surprised as to how easy it is. I wake up every morning at 7:00, take my temperature, then go back to sleep. I am trying to actually get out of bed after I temp, but no such luck. I did get up at 7:45 this morning, that is an improvement.
My only charting issue now is I'm having a bit of trouble checking my CM. I think its one thing, when it may be something else. Although I'm only on CD 8, so I think after this cycle I'll get the hang of it.
I have to say that I am glad I decided to do this while DH is deployed. I can see how a person who is just beginning to chart and wanting to TTA can get pregnant and claim "charting doesn't work." I've heard that before. I don't have anything good right now, so this is pretty boring, but it's what I'm working with right now. I will be really excited to see when I O. That is my big fear, that I will have a 90 Day cycle also annovulatory (sp?). Here's to hoping!!
My only charting issue now is I'm having a bit of trouble checking my CM. I think its one thing, when it may be something else. Although I'm only on CD 8, so I think after this cycle I'll get the hang of it.
I have to say that I am glad I decided to do this while DH is deployed. I can see how a person who is just beginning to chart and wanting to TTA can get pregnant and claim "charting doesn't work." I've heard that before. I don't have anything good right now, so this is pretty boring, but it's what I'm working with right now. I will be really excited to see when I O. That is my big fear, that I will have a 90 Day cycle also annovulatory (sp?). Here's to hoping!!
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