A lot on my mind

I've been thinking alot about what I want to do with my life lately. I have so many options, well ok, three, but for me that is too many options. I can do one of three things:

• Teach...ok, that one is about 98% ruled out
• Work my full time Mary Kay business
• Be a stay at home mom

I am earning my degree in Elm. Education, in my Senior year, but I want to be at home with my kids when we have them so I don't want to go right into the classroom. With my MK business I can stay at home most of the time and work 10 hours a week in the evenings while DH is home. I sometimes think, though that maybe all I want to do is stay at home with my kids and not have to worry about a business.

I just don't know what to do. I feel like I'm in my quarter life crisis. I think I would feel better if DH were here to talk it over with me. He is currently deployed and I don't get to talk to him on a regular basis. I am just so tired of living my life doing what I don't want to do. I need about 3 weeks where I can do what I want, when I want to do it. I know most people would say "well when you are a mom that is what your life is, doing things for other people", but here is the thing, when I'm a mom, I'll want to be a mom. I mean, I feel that way about my dogs, I love taking care of them, so I imagine it will be a thousand times better with my children.

I have been doing tons and tons of praying, looking for answers and I just don't know what to do. I start up school again in a week and a half, and will be taking 16 hours this fall, when last semester I barley got by with 15. As a matter of fact I'm retaking one of the classes I fail in the summer. So I guess I got by with 12. I could cry just thinking about the stress I was under and dreading being under that amount of stress again.

This is just a lot of ramblings, but it feels good to let it out. I am just waiting to hear from DH about his thoughts on our future. I can not wait for the day when he is home and we can talk face to face about our future, children, where we will be in 2 years, etc. Follow up to these thoughts coming soon.